


Dear Sherlock

by stayyfrosty



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Letter, M/M, Post Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-22
Updated: 2013-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-15 19:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/853018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayyfrosty/pseuds/stayyfrosty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my letter to you saying all the things I wish I could have said when you were still alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Sherlock

Dear Sherlock,  
  
This is my letter to you saying all the things I wish I could have said when you were still alive. Bloody stupid activity. It was Ella’s idea. She thought that the blogging went really well for me, so she thought I would be able to express my feelings through something like this. I don’t have anything to say though. I am fine. Perfectly fine.  
  
I have moved back to my old flat, no one had got to it yet. It is quiet here. Greg visits once in a while. He used to come almost every week right after… well. He only visits once a month now. It’s fine. I have seen Mrs. Hudson a couple times but each time she just starts to cry and I just can’t handle that. I have not seen Molly though. I tried to contact her once but she wasn’t home. I don’t mind. I like being alone.  
  
I still think this is stupid but I might as well keep writing, I don’t want Ella to have to keep nagging me about it.  
  
I don’t have a job anymore. I am back to living like before. I forgot what it was like; the slowness and the nothingness. Nothing ever happens to me anymore. No more cases, no more running after murderers.  
  
I have nightmares again. I told you about my nightmares once but I don’t think you were listening. I don’t dream about the war anymore. I dream about you, about what happened. Every time I close my eyes I see you fall. I see you reach your hand out to me. I see you cry. Please don’t cry Sherlock.  
  
I miss you. I try not too. It is hard. Sometimes I think that maybe it was all an act, but then I remember your eyes. So cold and empty. There was nothing but stillness, no color, no life, there was nothing.  
  
Sometimes I get so angry. I sometimes hate you for what you did to me. You broke my heart in more ways than I even knew. I hate that you left me. I hate that you lied to me. I hate that you thought I wouldn’t notice. I hate that you are no longer next to me. Sherlock.  
  
Why? Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? You left me Sherlock. I am alone now. I was alone before, but then I had you and I was so happy. I was so happy with my life and I was so happy with you, but then you left.  
  
Sometimes when I lay on my bed at night, I try and think of all our happy memories together. This keeps me alive. It would be so easy to do what you did. Take my life and I would be able to join you. There is nothing here for me anyway. If I did do it, would you come and find me?  
  
I need you Sherlock. I need your insults. I need your stupid hair and coat collars. I need your rare but beautiful smiles that you would give exclusively to me. I need you to wow me with impossible things that only you can do. I need you to come back with me.  
  
I kept your scarf. When I look at it I remember your eyes before you jumped. So full of life, of curiosity, of childish joy and innocence. I remember how they glowed when you explained everything that you deduced. How they looked so confused when someone said something stupid or obvious. I remember what they looked like when you looked at me.  
  
Did you know? Did you know that I loved you? Did you know that I stopped correcting people when they assumed we were a couple? Did you know that I still love you and I will never stop loving you? I love you Sherlock Holmes. I am in love with you. I bet you knew. You always knew.  
  
Love,

John


End file.
